Why I will no longer photograph weddings: an open letter to brides, grooms and guests

So, as it turns out, I photographed  three more weddings after this one, and have one more scheduled for next year. But, that will be my last one for sure. 

A few days ago, I photographed what was supposed to be my last wedding. Ever. It was beautiful, I couldn't have asked for a better wedding to go out with, as they are friends.

However, I've agreed to photograph one more wedding for a sweet couple I met on a referral for engagement portraits. It's a small, intimate ceremony with few children and no cell phones - really, a photographer's dream. But I digress ...

People have asked me why no more weddings, but the answer is not as easy as making one blanket statement. Because if I were to say one thing it would be that I am not a ‘wedding’ photographer. However, as a photographer, I can photograph a wedding. Being a photographer doesn't necessarily mean I have to photograph weddings, but somehow, everyone assumes that if you are, then you should ... 

Many think weddings are easy money-makers for photographers. We show up, take a bunch of photos and make a decent amount of cash for a few hours work. If only it were that easy.

In fact, weddings are the hardest to photograph because you don’t get a re-do if you f*** it up. Once a shot is missed, it’s gone. For someone who only shoots weddings occasionally - I typically only photograph 3-4 per year by choice - it's stressful and intimidating. By the time the wedding day arrives, it's been a few months since the last one and it's not like riding a bike. 

Most great wedding photographers (that I admire) shoot only weddings. It’s their specialty and requires a LOT of work. The job doesn’t start and end at the event. There are pre-wedding meetings and post-wedding editing sessions that can last days to months. It’s giving up parts of your life and holding the event date for up to a year, long hours, dealing with picky/tricky people and situations that are NOT ideal. For someone who doesn't photograph weddings all the time, the not ideal situations can be disastrous.

I’m not talking about the stuff you can’t control, like the weather; but rather the things that can be controlled. So, I've made a list of the things that made being a wedding photographer harder than it needed to be, and prompted me to stop offering wedding photography services. And while weddings may have one or all of these factors, please know that I’ve always had as much fun as I’ve experienced stress in photographing them.

1)      No shot list for the family formal and bridal photos. This is important especially if you have specific shots you want taken. I’m not a mind-reader and I don’t know your family. I only know the bride and groom and possibly the immediate family. When it comes time to take the formal shots, I need to know who you want in what group of photos. I will take a lot of pictures of your special day – most of them before and after the ceremony. But when you get them back and notice that your fifth cousin on your mom’s side who married your significant other’s best friend was not included in the shots, refer back to the shot list that was not provided. Especially if I’ve asked for one.*Wedding planners are great for this type of thing.

2)      Not sticking to a pre-ceremony timeline. I like weddings that only require me to be there for the ceremony and the formal photos – they are less stress and the reason I charge so little for that service. But most would rather I be there to get photos of the bride getting ready with her bridesmaids and a few of the groom with his groomsmen – for which I should have probably charged more but I don’t because it’s all digital and not my sole source of income. And those do tend to be my fave pics. But, when the ceremony is at 1 p.m. and it is 12:55 pm and the bride and her girls are just finishing up, I will have to forfeit someone’s photos – usually the groom (who may be staying at a different location) and any creative shots the bride found on Pinterest.

3)      Kids. I love kids – I have one. But by reception time, they are ready to let loose after (thankfully) keeping a lid on their energy during the wedding ceremony. It’s really hard to do my job as a photographer when kids are doing their best to get into all the important shots – like when the groom is pulling the garter off the bride and the couple is sharing their first dance or cutting the cake. They don’t even mean to do it, it just happens – they are excited that everyone else is excited. I get it. If you’re getting married and are allowing parents to bring their kids to your wedding, urge the parents to keep them in check and out of the important shots. This is a courtesy to the bride and groom as well as the photographer. I cannot count how many shots were ruined because of kids who ambushed a photo-op.

4)      Cell phones. If you are a guest and you have a cell phone, an iPad or your own DSLR, put them away during the ceremony and stay out of the photographer’s way for the ‘money shots.’ Don’t get pissed when the photographer gets in front of your shot to take a photo, because the bride and groom paid for the service, not cell phone photos.  And no one wants to see a cell phone in a formal shot or anyone in the background looking at their phone or iPad - it ruins the aesthetic. Also, during important parts of the ceremony and reception, leave room for the photographer to do his/her job. Your flash camera phone picture that you crowded the photographer for probably cost the couple that shot. And it can’t be re-shot. This goes for family members as well as friends/guests. Even as a parent, this is not your special day, it’s your children’s. Facebook, Instagram and Twitter can wait. Anyone who couldn’t make the wedding can wait, too. Put your social media kit away and enjoy the moment offline.  This is my BIGGEST pet peeve along with hundreds of photos of the wedding showing up online before I've even had a chance to give the bride and groom a preview of their photos. 

     Curious to see examples of shots ruined and understand, from a wedding photographer's POV, why we have such a strong opinion on this? Check out Photographer Corey Ann's write up on Huffington Post HERE. The examples of shots ruined will make you cringe, if not cry. 

5)      Lighting conditions that can be controlled that are set to be less than optimal. I know: candle- and dim-lit ceremonies and receptions are so romantic. For me, they are a nightmare. Even with flash photography, there needs to be enough light for the camera to focus. And when there are a lot of cell phones flashing, the camera isn’t sure what to focus on, even though I’m pointing at the subject. Sometimes, it’s really hard to focus at all. If you have a DJ that likes colored disco lighting, encourage them to use a spotlight or overhead natural light instead – at least during the dances, bouquet/garter toss, and cake cutting. Because those colored lights are going to color your photos. I joke about being a Photoshop Wizard, but some things even Photoshop can’t fix. A lot of times, I can make a less romantic, brightly lit room look the most intimate. But this is not a wrong thing – your wedding, your lighting.

My advice to anyone getting married is to use a photographer who specializes in weddings only. You may balk at the price tag, but they are worth every penny you will spend. Look at their portfolio, discuss your options and listen to what they need to have from you to get what you want out of your photos -and communicate what you want as well. Because when it’s all said and done, it’s not about the money. It’s about having your special day documented by someone who will be able to cope with such a high stress and variable environment and still be able to produce amazing photographs you will cherish forever – or for as long as you are married.

If I've shot your wedding, don’t be offended. I may have experienced one or all of the above at your wedding, but I wouldn't give up that opportunity for anything. Most of you are my friends. Being asked to photograph a life event is an honor and one that's humbling. I have just chosen not to continue doing it because it is not my specialty and I don’t want to stress over a sometimes uncontrollable environment.

My specialty is the ever after, lifestyle and candid photos. Having a baby? Need non-traditional portraits? Engaged? Want boudoir shots or need acting headshots/portfolio photos? Maybe you decided to hit up the Justice of the Peace and want bride and groom portraits? Call me.

Getting married? I can help you find a wedding photographer whose work I admire and who is worth the investment.

Here is another blog on wedding and tips on how not to ruin a wedding, if you are the guest:

10 Ways To Ruin A Wedding

Question: what about those trendy action sets?

I’m a beginner photographer of about two years. I have a Nikon, two lenses and photoshop. I’m thinking I could do this professionally on the side from my regular job and want to create images that look like what is being done by other photographers. I saw they are using pre-programmed photoshop actions and lightroom presets and there are a lot out there.  I bought one package. In using it on this photo,  no matter which action I use, it doesn’t look as great as the original and I can’t recreate the effect I saw on the sample. What could I be doing wrong? I included a before and after so you can see what I’m talking about.

AAAHHHH! My first question! And I’m not ashamed to admit, I am not qualified to give you advice on this, but I will definitely give you my opinion based on my own experience.  Please note: I did not share your images as I don’t know the people in the photos and if they would be okay with it. I will illustrate with one of my own images.

If you’re buying prefab action sets, in my opinion, you’re wasting your money. Why? Because it's not a one-click fix-it like an Instagram filter and because you can create those effects in Photoshop for free AND, what’s more, you can tailor the effects to fit YOUR image.  (Says the girl who purchased several action sets already.)

Check it.

Enter exhibit A: photo of my kid. RAW image before any Photoshop. As you can see, it’s a little bland, but it’s a decent photograph. I used a Canon 20D and a 50mm 1.8 lens.

Presenting Exhibit B: I used the RAW edit dialogue box to add a vignette and up the vibrancy and contrast so the fall colors would pop.  Once I brought it into Photoshop, I took the burn tool and darkened the edges at 36 percent power. As a portrait, it’s standard and I like it. Total time, two minutes.

But what if I want to add an action filter? Those are all so cool and the sample images, to be honest, are amazing (kudos to those who figured it out). So, I’ll re-import and use an action or two and see if I can make this image look better.

Exhibit C: Going back to the original, I used a color base action along with a photo color action after only adding a vignette in the RAW edit box. Not too bad if you like a pinkish-yellow tint to the skin – which I hear is all the rage these days. As an effect, I really can see why people like it – it’s different. I did have to tweak each layer to make sure the skin didn’t look jaundiced. Total time – 10 minutes.

Exchibit D: Same photo. Created a layer and added an orange photo filter. Tweaked the orange so it’s not so orange. Adjusted color balance to get the yellow-y/orange-y glow and adjusted the gamma correction and contrast. Boom, I’m done: 5 minutes.

And, I like the original image sans action better. So, I wasted my time.

I did not create different layers for all of this, but it is recommended so that you can tweak the individual layers as needed because not all effects will agree with your photo – depends on the original photo, exposure, etc. It also makes it easier to scratch an effect by deleting that layer so you don’t have to re-import and start all over.

I’m just too lazy to do all of that. 

But that’s not the point. The point is that you don’t need an action set to make your image pop. Sometimes you don’t even need to do much at all to your photo, like my original image and yours. Simple and natural is best – you don’t want to lose the personality and integrity (lack of better words) of a shot under a lot of photoshop. ß speaking as a chick who use to slather on photoshop like it was icing on a cake (the more the better)!

So, you’re not doing anything wrong from where I'm standing. But if you want to utilize those trending, trendy action sets you purchased, take the time to go through each one and understand the effect you will get with them and how to apply those to your images - and if it's worth it.  Also, sometimes more than one action is used and you more than likely will have to tweak the effects so they work with your photo. Remember, the people who created these nifty actions, tailored them to their own images and gave you a way to adjust them to work with yours. Because they were smart enough to know not everyone shoots the same. Check out the free tutorials that are offered on the action sets that I'm sure you didn't watch already - because I didn't at first, either. 

However, I say stick to what you’re doing because it’s working without all that PS action business. Remember, less is more when it comes to portraits. And anything you can buy an action for, you can figure out how to do on your own.

But the best thing you can do for yourself and your business is to find your own style and create a brand separate from what everyone else is doing. Because if your work looks just like someone else's work, why should clients choose you over someone else? At that point, it's about the cost and if they can get the same portraits cheaper, then you lose business. 

Baby LGS

I had the pleasure of working with a friend of mine to get some shots of her 2 week old daughter. The best time to get pictures of babies is when they are just a few days old because they are mostly asleep, making it easier to pose them. Although I did get some great shots during the shoot - thanks to Momma keeping her baby warm and fed - at 2 weeks old, Baby LGS was wide awake and active. She didn't want to hold a pose for long and insisted on wiggling all over the place. She did give me a happy laugh and smile during the first set, which made me incredibly happy. Everything after that was cake :)



The idea in the first set was a personal request by the parents. The flag was provided and it's antique look added something more than a new-looking flag.

In the following pictures, I'm using a furry blanket and a shabby chic bathmat. Yes, a bathmat. I saw something similar online being sold at a photography prop store and it was pretty pricey. Saw this one at Wal Mart for considerably less. Win. 

LGS's parents are crossfitters. The idea was to incorporate that into a theme for the shoot. The pics I saw online that gave me the idea showcased a newborn at 3-4 days old and that baby was asleep. It was slightly more challenging to work with an older baby, but I was able to get a few shots. Will def have to revisit this later on. 

Pictures with daddy!! These came out amazing. I went back to my roots and used Smith Victor flood lamps. Sometimes old school is better than new school for me.

Photography as it applies to me

That's me. 

I’m not the best photographer in the business. In fact, I’m not even in the business as a business; it’s a passion that I share with my clients. Photography is a lot like art. It’s an extension of my creative self. Sure, I could be making a lot of money doing this full-time. But once it becomes a job, it loses something for me. I like to collaborate with my clients and come up with ideas that tell their story with my camera – in no less than one thousand words.

Anyone can take a picture. Not everyone can capture a moment in a way that makes it more than a just a picture of a person, family or place. If you get a chance to look through photographer portfolios online, take note of your response to their work. Really good photographs elicit an emotional response. Did you smile? Feel sad? Want to touch? Laugh? Cry? 

It’s what I strive for in both my portraits and experimental concept shoots. But I don’t set up a shot just to do that; I just know if I can look at an image and see more than just an image, I’m happy.  That's not to say it's a complete success all the time. 

Old school Nikon! 

When I look back at my digital progression, and occasional regression, of work, I can see I’ve come a long way from the Nikon CoolPix point and shoot camera with the flip screen. My first ‘real’ camera was a Minolta film camera I eventually passed on to my little brother. I think that anyone who wants to be a better photographer should learn using a film camera first. It will force you to learn to take a technically good picture so when you switch to digital, you’re not relying on Photoshop as a Band-Aid for bad lighting and composition.

If you’re not a Photoshop Wizard, that almost never ends well. I am a Photoshop Wizard and I can tell you, it’s not a cure-all for bad technical skill. Just because you own it, doesn’t mean you have to use it; just like owning six studio lights doesn’t mean you have to use all of them at the same time. Moderation is a good term to learn. 

I was not good at film and it took me a long time to learn what I was doing. A really long time. I concluded that I did not, in fact, know enough about what I was doing at the time. When I bought my first DSLR, a Canon Digital Rebel, what little I had learned about film was tossed out in lieu of instant gratification, less cost and the comfort of knowing I could fix anything in post - digitally. False confidence – GAINED.

Until I shot my first wedding. FAIL.

My first camera, the Digital Rebel. 

That was a humbling experience. Out of 200 digital photos, I might have been able to salvage 25 using Photoshop. Luckily, I had shot two rolls of film and all of those came out decent, but I had decided to shoot all the important stuff digitally.

I might have cried. But it was then that I decided I should learn to consistently take good pictures regardless of what format, digital or film, I was using. Photoshop and Lightroom should be an option, not a necessity. Photography is as much about skill as it is about creativity. Unless you’re either one of my brothers, in which case, you’re just gifted and talented in one-upping your sister with tech knowledge. But I digress.

It may have set me back, but starting over was the best decision. From square one, I learned how to take a picture. A good picture. Digital retouching is awesome, but after spending too many hours in front of a computer, editing hundreds of pictures in post, it was a great feeling to know if I handed a CD to a client right after a shoot, the photos were print-ready. Minus the test shots.

Canon 20D - what I use now.
Photo courtesy www.KenRockwell.com

It is also amazing to have free time.

What had misled me in the beginning, as far as my work is concerned, was the positive feedback. No one critiqued my work as being terrible or even mediocre so I thought I had it all figured out. I had to take a step back and fail a few times to see it for myself. I don’t consider myself to be the best, but I’m also still learning new things all the time and stepping out of the “box of conformity.”

That means, while it’s nice to look at someone else’s work as a learning point, don’t try to copy their style. Have your own. If your work looks like everyone else’s, what is there to set you apart? I learned that the hard way. 

My biggest mentors are my brothers and other photographers. I learned most of what I know from some of the best in the business working as a model and, between them and my two brothers, figured out technical issues as they arose. My only real advice to give anyone who picks up a camera either as a business venture or a hobby is to learn to shoot so that you don’t need Photoshop, and find your own niche and style.

There is no formula to your success other than the one you come up with for yourself. Having all the best equipment won't do anything for you if you don't know how to use it. Photoshop should be an option, not a necessity. None or all of this may apply to you. Good luck. 

(Editor's note: All you sensitive photographer-types out there reading this thinking none of this applies to everyone: don't be an asshole. My blog = my story. However, for a small fee, I will tell your story, too. I'll even post it on my blog. Deal?)

Creepin' the Fair